I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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