I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
