well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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