My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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