i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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