I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
