Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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