Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
