I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
