I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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