I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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