I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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