I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
