sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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