weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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