you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
