it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
