i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
