would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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