I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
