there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
