do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
