Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
