I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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