We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
