he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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