Got a toothbrush?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
