if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
