great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
