I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize