Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
