Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
