you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
