Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
