Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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