the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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