dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
