Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You just made me feel so damn special
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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