I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
