Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
