How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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