we made out on top of his cat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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