my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
