At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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