He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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