how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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