my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
