no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
