i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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