Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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