so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
