I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
