There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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