Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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