Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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