woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
