drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
