I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
