three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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