I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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