you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
