I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
