My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
