tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
