WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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