This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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