Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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