There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
