i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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